A gorilla walks into a bar and says, “A scotch on the rocks, please.” The gorilla hands the bartender a $10 bill.The bartender thinks to himself, “This gorilla doesn’t know the prices of drinks,” and gives him 15 cents change.The bartender says, “You know, we don’t get too many gorillas in here.”The gorilla replies, “Well, at $9.85 a drink, I ain’t coming back, either.”
Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one says, “I’ll have a pint of blood.”The second one says, “I’ll have one, too.”The third one says, “I’ll have a pint of plasma.”The bartender says, “So, that’ll be two Bloods and a Blood Lite?”
A farmer walks into a bar with a horse. He says, “I will give any of you $1,000 if you can make my horse laugh.”A man yells, “I’ll take that bet,” and leads the horse into the men’s room.After a couple seconds, a loud braying laugh is heard from behind the door. The farmer screams to the man, “OK, I’ll give you $2,000 if you can make my horse cry.”The man shouts, “You’re on!”After a few more seconds, the man exits with the horse trudging behind him with tears streaming down his long-snout. Flabbergasted, the farmer asks, “How did you do it?”The man replies, “I said that my d**k was bigger than his and he laughed. Then I showed it to him.”
A guy walks into a bar — and sustains a mild concussion.
A man walks into a bar and sees his friend sitting beside a 12-inch pianist. He says to his friend, “That’s amazing. How did you get that?”
The man pulls out a bottle and tells him to rub it and make a wish. He rubs the bottle, and a puff of smoke pops out and tells him that he can have one wish. So the man thinks and says, “I wish I had a million bucks.”
The genie says, “OK, go outside, and your wish will be granted.”
The man goes outside, but all he finds are ducks filling the sky and roads. He goes back in and tells his friend what happend, and his friend replies, “I know. Did you really think I wanted a 12-inch pianist?”