Bob and Jim walk into a bar. Bob says, “Hey Donkeyboy, get me a drink.” The bartender gets him a drink.Bob says, “Donkeyboy, get me another drink.” The bartender gets him another drink.Finally, Jim asks the bartender, “Why does he call you Donkeyboy?””I don’t know. Hehaw-hehaw-he always calls me that.”
Micaya White, who helped lead Texas to the NCAA women’s volleyball final last season, will appear in court next month on a DWI charge.According to Travis County state district court records, White is scheduled to appear Aug. 4 after being charged with driving while intoxicated by University of Texas police following a March 18 traffic stop. The Austin American-Statesman reported that White failed a field sobriety test.The 20-year-old White, who will be a sophomore this season, is an outside hitter from Frisco, Texas, and was the Big 12 Freshman of the Year last season. Texas opens the season Aug. 25 against Florida.Coach Jerritt Elliott said in a statement that the team has been aware of the situation and is addressing it internally.
A recent article in the Denver Post details the discovery by DUI defense attorneys in Colorado that hundreds of “certifications” of Intoxilyzer 9000 machines have been forged. The Colorado state health lab is supposed to calibrate and test each breath test machine and then issue a certification that the machine is accurate. Under Colorado law, the machine is assumed to be working properly and accurately if it is certified. But, it turns out that hundreds, maybe thousands, of those certifications were faked. In addition, many of the certifications bore the “signature” of a technician who had quit a year before the certification was issued. Naturally, the health department and the governor shrug and say no independent investigation is necessary – no big deal.It is a big deal. The certification is supposed to substitute for live testimony from a scientist that the breath test machine was working properly. Judges and juries rely on breath test results alone to convict people of DUI everyday. At least in Kansas, every DUI conviction means a minimum of 48 hours in custody up to a maximum of one year in jail. The breath test machine alone can put people in jail. All that is required to admit a breath test result into evidence in Kansas is to show that the machine was certified, the operator (police officer) was certified, and that the test was run according to a 7 step protocol (basically push the button and tell the person to blow). The certification is important.The Intoxilyzer 9000 is the breath test machine used exclusively in Kansas. I have seen multiple occasions where police departments in Kansas forged the documents required by law to be sent in to the Kansas Department of Health and Environment to prove that the machine was being tested and the calibration checked. Did those agencies lose their certification to run breath tests? No. No big deal. The Department of Health and Environment, the agency that is supposed to administer the breath testing program in Kansas, has routinely and repeatedly watered down the quality control standards for maintaining reliability in breath testing and the certification of machines and breath test operators. No big deal. The machines are supposed to be tested (once) every “calendar week” by the individual police departments to make sure they are working properly. When agencies fail to do the tests every seven days, the Department of Health and Environment covers for them and says that a “calendar week” means up to 13 days. Hilarious.They used to at least give the appearance of compliance with modern scientific standards but no longer. Almost every state in America requires two breath tests. Because anyone who was taught science in 7th grade knows that scientific accuracy means the ability to repeat results. You do a test and then a confirmation test. No doctor on the planet would make a diagnosis based on a single test result. But, not in Kansas. One test is all you are given. If the single result is .08 or greater, you are looking at jail time.So, some lawyers in Colorado looked into the certification of the machines in that state and found out that corners were being cut and documents were being forged. Who is looking out for people in Kansas who are accused of DUI? The breath test machine has to be investigated in every case.
You are going to buy a new home. The house is 2000 square feet on a 3/4 acre lot. You hire Rich (the termite inspector) to check it out before you buy. After all, no one wants to buy a house with termites. Good news! The house passed. No termites. Thus, you buy the house.Bad news! A month after the sale closes you discover – termites. What? How could this happen? You go back and look a little deeper in the method of inspection Rich relied upon. You find out his methodology was to only check “one square inch” of the floor in the house. When he did not find anything wrong within the “one inch” he assumed everything else was also termite free. How do you feel now? A part of something does not always represent the whole. Determining how many termites are in “one square inch” of a house does not really answer the question whether you have a termite problem. The termite inspector committed what logicians call the all things are equal fallacy. This occurs when when it is assumed, without justification, that conditions have remained the same at different times and places. The same danger is present when attempting a forensic measurement. For example, in a typical DUI case where a blood sample is taken, the lab will test less than a M&M size sample of blood. However, in Arizona the legal definition of an alcohol concentration is grams per 100 micro-liters. Translation, the legal definition of an alcohol concentration requires multiplying the results of the “one inch” by about 1000 (assuming the M&M is about 100 micro-liters). The danger is assuming the rest of 1000 micro-liters (or 100 milliliters) has a proportional amount of ethanol in it. Small errors multiplied by 1000 can easily mislead you to believe that a person’s alcohol concentration is above a legal limit when it is not. Like the termite inspection, it is up to the crime laboratory to prove their justification for assuming using such a tiny amount below the legal definition of an alcohol concentration answers the question – is the person above the legal limit? After all, no one wants termites…or people being wrongfully convicted.
A man accused of trafficking in carfentanil in Red Deer will have a preliminary hearing next February.Carfentanil was found in a mixture of drugs seized by Red Deer RCMP in March, making it the first known seizure of the deadly opioid in the Red Deer area.The drugs that tested positive for carfentanil, fentanyl and caffeine were seized during an investigation of two Red Deer residences.RCMP said that carfentanil is 100 times more toxic than fentanyl. Its only legal use is to sedate large animals.Police said fentanyl and carfentanil are inexpensive when compared to drugs such as cocaine and heroin, which is incentive for drug dealers to mix or substitute it in order to increase their profit margins.Kim Proctor, 38, has pleaded not guilty to three counts of possession for the purpose of trafficking, two counts of possession of a controlled substance, two counts of unauthorized possession of a firearm, two counts of possession of a weapon obtained by crime and possession of property obtained by crime.A preliminary hearing is held to determine if there is enough evidence to send a case to trial. It is often used to test the strength of a Crown prosecutor’s case. Proctor’s hearing is set for Feb. 9, 2018.
Aaron Carter and his girlfriend Madison Parker were arrested on DUI and drug charges in Georgia, authorities say. (Habersham County Sheriff’s Office via AP)Aaron Carter’s words have come back to haunt him.The singer and his girlfriend Madison Parker were arrested over the weekend in Georgia on DUI and drug charges in Georgia, according to authorities. Last Monday, the couple was asked in a video obtained by TMZ taken in Tampa, Florida, about actor Shia LaBeouf. LaBeouf was arrested July 8 for public drunkenness, disorderly conduct, and obstruction in Georgia. “You won’t catch me getting any DUIs, I don’t have any DUIs,” Carter said at one point in the clip. Carter and Parker were arrested Saturday, Habersham County Sheriff’s Office spokesman Capt. Floyd Canup said. SHIA LABEOUF APOLOGIZES FOLLOWING RACIAL RANT DIRECTED AT POLICE OFFICERCarter was released on bail Sunday. Canup said Parker was eligible for bail but has not been released and remained in jail for “unknown reasons.”Display nothing; This is on Publish with no configured ImageCarter tweeted Sunday, “I’m coming to get you baby.” Online jail records indicate both Carter and Parker have both been released. Carter is accused of drunken driving and possession of less than 1 ounce of marijuana and paraphernalia. Parker was arrested for obstruction, possession of less than 1 ounce of pot and paraphernalia.Carter’s vehicle was stopped on a highway in Cornelia. He was set to perform in Kansas City, Missouri, on Saturday night. A tweet from his account hours before the show said he wouldn’t make it because of “transportation issues.”Carter is the younger brother of Backstreet Boys singer Nick Carter, who said in a Sunday tweet directed at his sibling, ” I am here and willing to help you get better.”
A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads:Cheese Sandwich: $1.50Chicken Sandwich: $2.50Hand Job: $10.00He checks his wallet and beckons to the sexy bartender.”Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?” he asks.”Yes,” she purrs. “I am.””Well, wash your frickin’ hands,” says the man. “I want a cheese sandwich!”
BCSO releases mugshot of deputy arrested on drunk driving charge. Michael Magana, 25, faces a charge of driving while intoxicated, a Class B misdemeanor. He was booked into the Bexar County Jail at 5:35 a.m. on a $1,000 bond.A Bexar County sheriff’s deputy was arrested Thursday morning after he was caught allegedly driving drunk.Michael Magana, 25, faces a charge of driving while intoxicated, a Class B misdemeanor. He was booked into the Bexar County Jail at 5:35 a.m. on a $1,000 bond. He has since bonded out. Magana was initially stopped for traffic violations around 2:30 a.m. in the 5700 block of Industry Park, according to a preliminary police report. A San Antonio police officer thought Magana had been drinking, performed a field sobriety test on him and arrested him on the drunk driving charge.According to Sandra Pickell, a spokeswoman for the Bexar County Sheriff’s Office, Magana was hired in Oct. 2015 and served as a detention officer.