WALKS INTO A BAR… THE BALLERINA

A good looking woman walks into a bar wearing a tube top. She raises her hand to signal the bartender for a beer, revealing that she does not shave her armpits.

Meanwhile, a sloppy drunk on the other side of the bar signals the bartender, “Buy that ballerina over there a drink on me.”

The bartender replies, “What makes you think she’s a ballerina?”

“Because,” answers the drunken man, “any chick that can lift her leg that high has GOT to be a ballerina.”

http://jokes.cc.com/funny-walks-into-a-bar/80wdsw/walks-into-a-bar—-the-ballerina

Deputies: Merkel arrested after driving woman to site of prostitution bust

Deputies: Merkel arrested after driving woman to site of prostitution bustby WHAMMerkel.PNGAAVictor, N.Y. – A woman convicted in the crash that killed a Fairport teacher in 2012 is facing new charges in Victor.Megan Merkel, 28, was convicted of DWI and traffic charges in connection with the death of Heather Boyum, She is now accused by Ontario County Sheriff’s deputies of driving with a revoked license.Thursday, deputies and Canandaigua Police arrested Maria Platten, 24, of Rochester after they say she agreed to have sex with an undercover officer. Deputies said Merkel was seen driving Platten to the hotel. They later determined her license had been revoked.Merkel has been charged with aggravated unlicensed operation in the second degree and criminal possession of a controlled substance. Deputies say she was in possession of crack cocaine.Platten was charged with prostitution and two counts of criminal possession of a weapon.The full criminal complaint can be read here:

Source: Deputies: Merkel arrested after driving woman to site of prostitution bust | WHAM

Ryan Winkle unanimously voted off Mesa City Council after DUI arrest

The Mesa City Council ousted Ryan Winkle from the board Thursday for violating the city’s charter following a DUI charge.

The unanimous decision came after three hours of witness testimony and back-and-forth between lawyers.

The council decided during the disciplinary hearingthat Winkle broke the board’s code of ethics and demonstrated a lack of fitness for office when police say he drove drunk in the early hours of May 7.

MORE: Winkle offers $2K to Mesa council to drop DUI disciplinary hearing

Winkle struggled to withhold tears while talking with the media after the vote.

“I love Mesa,” he said, eyes puffy.

A city spokesman said the council has 30 days to fill Winkle’s seat.

Winkle, 38, was a first-time councilman, who took office just four months prior to his DUI arrest. He runs a community-development consulting firm, and is highly involved in downtown revitalization and the city’s Asian business district.

He said his work with those causes won’t change. He just won’t have the councilman title any longer.

“It’s not the end of my story,” he said.

The hearing

Thursday’s hearing, although not a trial, had all of the characteristics of one.

The city hired an outside attorney, Charles Wirken, to oversee the proceedings. Wirken called witnesses, reviewed police documents and aired body-camera footage to show council members how Winkle acted in the moments following his arrest.

Winkle’s attorney, Tim La Sota, objected to many of Wirken’s maneuvers.

He said he didn’t understand why the lawyer had to bring in two police officers and a forensic scientist as witnesses when there was no objection over what occurred. Winkle had admitted to driving drunk, pleaded guilty in a court of law and had already served jail time, La Sota said.

RELATED: Ryan Winkle: Tent City much nicer for second DUI stint

But the council, acting as the judge and jury, allowed Wirken to continue.

A city staffer and Winkle also testified.

Most of the testimony focused on details of Winkle’s behavior that have widely been reported, like his lies to police officers and refusal to take an initial breath-test.

But the testimony did reveal a few other previously undisclosed details.

Most notably, Winkle said Mayor John Giles asked him to resign several times after his arrest.

Winkle also told the council that the day leading up to his arrest, he attended five community events. He drank at three of them, he said.

Winkle dropped off his son at his in-laws’ home in Scottsdale prior to attending the last event of the day: the Arizona Hispanic Chamber of Commerce’s Black and White Ball. It was the first time his son would stay somewhere overnight without Winkle or his wife, he said.

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By the time he arrived at the ball, he said he did not plan to stay long. But after a few people brought him drinks, he decided to stay.

“Once (the drinks) kept on coming, now I feel like I can let loose a little bit after so many months and years of really running hard,” Winkle said.

He said he could not remember how much he drank that night.

A forensic scientist used a calculator to estimate how much Winkle drank.

She based the formula on his gender, 180 pounds of weight and a blood-alcohol content of 0.22 percent.

The result: The ethanol in his bloodstream was the equivalent of 10.7 “standard drinks,” like a 12-ounce beer with 4 percent alcohol, she said.

City staffer weighs in

Things got testy when Mesa Public Information Officer Randy Policar shared his story of Winkle’s conduct in the days following his arrest.

Policar said he was unaware of Winkle’s arrest until a reporter from The Arizona Republic called to ask him about it. When he talked to Winkle, the councilman downplayed the arrest and suggested it would be good for him because he could be a “keynote speaker” at DUI recovery events, Policar said.

“I do not feel that he had any shame or remorse, no,” Policar said.

MORE: Mesa staffer: Councilman Ryan Winkle said DUI not ‘a big deal’

Policar previously gave a sworn statement about Winkle’s desire to accuse police of making the situation seem worse than it was.

Winkle had never made those comments publicly.

Winkle and his lawyer vehemently denied Policar’s statements and criticized the city for asking one of its employees to “trash” Winkle in an affidavit.

Closing statements

In their closing statements, the two lawyers painted different pictures of Winkle’s behavior.

Wirken said Winkle’s lies to police and intentions of discrediting officers made a bad situation even worse.

“In this situation, the extreme DUI, which was really a super extreme DUI but it was pled down, is grave by itself. But the totality of circumstances are even worse.” Wirken said.

La Sota said that while Winkle’s misstep was severe, his crime did not involve violence and does not merit a severe discipline, like forfeiture of office.

“If we view this in its totality, it does not rise to the level of something that this body should remove a member for,” La Sota said. “This is a matter that should be left to the voters.”

He previously told council members that he did not believe the city charter allowed them to remove a fellow elected official over a misdemeanor DUI charge.

None of the council members spoke before casting their votes.

They voted unanimously, 6-0, to boot Winkle from his seat and quickly ended the meeting.

Then many of the council members and city staff hugged Winkle.

Angry supporters

After the vote, Winkle’s mother shouted at the council members.

“He has done more for the city of Mesa than you all know. And you all know it,” Barbara Rae said.

She also accused Giles of bias in her son’s disciplinary hearing.

La Sota was visibly frustrated with the outcome. He said the city should not have paid about $50,000 for a law firm to bring a case against Winkle when “they obviously were going to dump him no matter what.”

“It was just a very expensive charade, and they should have just taken action and not wasted all this money … orchestrating a political hit on someone who pled guilty anyway,” he said.

PREVIOUSLY: Winkle’s fans, foes and mom weigh in on possible discipline

After the vote, Winkle told reporters he could run for council again in 2018. But he’s not sure he will.

“I haven’t thought about it. Right now I’ve just been trying to get past this,” Winkle said.

He said he was disappointed in the council’s decision, but realized they were under a lot of political pressure to make a tough decision.

When asked if he thought the disciplinary process was fair, Winkle hesitated.

“I mean, you know, it’s as fair as it can be. It’s a highly pressurized thing,” he said.

In a statement released after the hearing, the council said, “It wasn’t a decision we came to lightly, but … we felt this was the appropriate course of action.”

“As elected officials we must hold ourselves to a higher standard of conduct to protect the integrity of the office and trust of the people we represent. We wish Ryan well and look forward to the future,” the statement said.

http://www.azcentral.com/story/news/local/mesa-breaking/2017/08/31/ryan-winkle-unanimously-voted-out-mesa-city-council-after-dui-arrest/621194001/

WALKS INTO A BAR… BEER BROTHERS

A man walks into a bar and orders three beers.

The bartender brings him the three beers, and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third, until they’re gone.

He then orders three more and the bartender says, “Sir, I know you like them cold, so you can start with one, and I’ll bring you a fresh one as soon as you’re low.”

The man says, “You don’t understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the Ireland. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night, we’d still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three beers, too, and we’re drinking together.”

The bartender thinks it’s a wonderful tradition, and every week he sets up the guy’s three beers. Then one week, the man comes in and orders only two. He drinks them and then orders two more. The bartender says sadly, “Knowing your tradition, I’d just like to just say that I’m sorry you’ve lost a brother.”

The man replies, “Oh, my brothers are fine — I just quit drinking.”

http://jokes.cc.com/funny-walks-into-a-bar/1t5cy2/walks-into-a-bar—-beer-brothers

Danny Duffy was arrested after he passed out in a Burger King drive-through

Danny Duffy’s DUI arrest, which we learned about a few hours ago, is — like all drunk driving incidents — a serious matter. The circumstances of his arrest, however, were . . . somewhat amusing? If that’s too much to say about a situation that could’ve resulted in someone’s injury or death, OK, that’s too much to say. But we can certainly say that the circumstances were . . . less than dignified.

According to Kevin Kietzman of Sports Radio 810 WHB in Kansas City, Duffy was passed out, or at least asleep, in the drive-through at a Burger King. His foot was on the brake with the car in neutral. An employee reached into the car and put it in park and then they called the police. When Duffy heard the police sirens he woke up and rather clumsily tried to climb into the passenger seat and attempted to get one of the other customers nearby to climb into the driver’s seat, presumably to make it appear as though he wasn’t drunk behind the wheel. Needless to say the gambit was not successful. He did not have it his way at Burger King is what I’m saying.

Duffy is expected to go on 810 WHB this afternoon and read a statement, but he’s not going to take questions. That’s probably OK, because all of this sounds pretty self-explanatory by now.

Source: Danny Duffy was arrested after he passed out in a Burger King drive-through

Shocking Twist! Rebecca Gayheart Sister Arrested At Hospital Before Death

In a shocking twist, Rebecca Gayheart’s sister was arrested at the same hospital where she would later die in one week later, Radaronline.com can exclusively reveal.See video for cashew queso dip recipe!On September 30, 2015, Rachel Gayheart was handcuffed and taken to jail after police discovered she had been driving under the influence. She was charged with “operating a motor vehicle while under the influence of drugs, failure to produce insurance card, and failure to provide license and maintain required insurance.”

The 38-year-old was a no show for her court date set on June 27, 2017. The judge found her guilty of Driving Under the Influence, and dismissed all other charges. A bench warrant was then set out for her arrest.Earlier this month, Rachel was cited and arrested for her failure to appear. Police can and cuffed her the following day on August 4 at Hazard ARH Hospital and she was transported to Perry County Jail in Kentucky.

“We transmitted her to the hospital… she died about three or four days later.”Rachel Gayheart died on August 11. According to several reports, the 90210 star has been an emotional wreck since her sister’s death, and friends are worried for her mental health.Last week Rebecca released a statement on Instagram.  “My baby sister Rachel ‘ray’ has sadly passed away,” she wrote. “We buried her on the hilltop in Kentucky along with my grandparents and cousins. She was loved by everyone and had a wicked sense of humor and the most loving heart. Life has not been easy for you sis but now you can be peaceful.”

Source: Shocking Twist! Rebecca Gayheart Sister Arrested At Hospital Before Death

WALKS INTO A BAR… NATIVE CUSTOM

A Native American walks into a bar with a cat, a bag of sh*t and a shotgun. He asks for a bottle of whiskey and immediately downs it. He throws the bag of sh*t up in the air, shoots it with his shotgun, and takes a big bite of the cat’s ass.

The bartender asks, “Buddy, what the hell are you doing?”

The Native American responds, “I want to be like the white man: get drunk, shoot the sh*t and eat pussy.”

http://jokes.cc.com/funny-walks-into-a-bar/z7u64c/walks-into-a-bar—-native-custom