An older man walks into a bar wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat and a phony beard. He sits down at a bar and orders a drink. As the bartender sets it down, he asks, “Going to a party?” “Yeah, a costume party,” the man answers, “I’m supposed to come dressed as my love life.””But you look like Abe Lincoln,” protests the bartender.”That’s right. My last four scores were seven years ago.”
Source: Funny Jokes | Walks Into a Bar… Sexy Lincoln Joke | Comedy Central
From Jail, Judge Astacio Fires Attorney Ed Fiandach in DWI CaseBy Spectrum News StaffTuesday, June 27, 2017 at 10:46 AM CDT0:00/0:52 Related StoriesFour More Weeks Behind Bars for Jailed JudgeUpdated 06/08/2017 02:45 PM WATCH: Judge Says ‘You Are Self-Sabotaging Any Chance You Had’06/05/2017 03:15 PMROCHESTER, N.Y. — Jailed Rochester City Court Judge, Leticia Astacio has fired her attorney, for real this time. Ed Fiandach’s office confirms he received a fax notifying him that she has retained attorney Mark Young. This comes a few weeks after Fiandach was told by Astacio’s sister that he was fired. Astacio retracked, saying her sister over stepped her boundaries.Astacio remains jailed in Livingston County after rejecting a judge’s offer to plead guilty to violating the terms of her DWI sentence. Astacio was convicted of DWI last August and was sentenced to a one-year conditional discharge, meaning she couldn’t drink alcohol. She’s accused of violating those conditions several times. She’ll remained jailed on no bail until at least July 6th when she’s due back in court.
Source: From Jail, Judge Astacio Fires Attorney Ed Fiandach in DWI Case
Canada briefs – January 27The RCMP are investigating a strange incident in which a man was found handcuffed to a telephone pole in his underwear Tuesday morning near Nanaimo, B.C.ADVOCATE STAFFThu Jan 27th, 2011 4:37pmCANADA & WORLD Man in underwear found handcuffed to telephone poleThe RCMP are investigating a strange incident in which a man was found handcuffed to a telephone pole in his underwear Tuesday morning near Nanaimo, B.C.The 24-year-old man was suffering mild hypothermia when police freed him in the town of Lanzville. He told them he’d been abducted and beaten by a group of men who later handcuffed him to the pole, stripped him down to his boxers and stole his wallet.Police say the man won’t tell them who his attackers were or what the motive was.
Source: Canada briefs – January 27 – Red Deer Advocate
Man Eats Underwear to beat breathalyzer
Red Deer (Alberta, Canada) Advocate:
MAN EATS UNDERWEAR TO BEAT BREATHALYZER
STETTLER — An 18-year old Stettler man tried to eat his underwear in the hope that the cotton fabric would absorb alcohol before he took a breathalyzer test, provincial court heard this week.
David Zurfluh was subsequently acquitted of a charge of impaired driving because he blew .08, the legal limit. But the testimony broke up people in Judge David MacNaughton’s provincial court here Thursday afternoon.
Mr. Zurfluh was collared by RCMP Const. Bill Robinson after he ran from his vehicle, which had been seen weaving down the highway. While sitting in the back of the patrol car, Mr. Zurfluh tried to eat his shorts, Const. Robinson told the court.
Mr. Zurfluh said he ripped the crotch out of his shorts, stuffed the fabric in his mouth and then spit it out. A class of law students from William E. Hay Composite High, in court as observers, was removed by the teacher when testimony enlivened the proceedings. The Grade 11 and 12 students had difficulty maintaining composure. “People were leaving the courtroom with tears in their eyes, trying not to laugh,” said RCMP Const. Peter McFarlane.
A nose walks into a bar and asks for a drink.The bartender says, “Sorry, I can’t serve you. You’re already off your face.”
Source: Funny Jokes | Walks Into a Bar… Drunk Nose Joke | Comedy Central
BISHOP, Texas – Authorities say six cows were killed and a South Texas deputy was injured during a suspected drunk driving accident.KRIS-TV reports an unidentified driver was traveling on a road around 1 a.m. Saturday when she crashed into a group of cows.Texas Department of Public Safety Trooper Marco Everett says a Nueces County Sheriff’s Office deputy who was leading the cows off the roadway they had wandered onto was injured.The deputy suffered non-life threatening injuries.Everett says investigators believe the driver fell asleep just before the accident in Bishop, located about 40 miles southwest of Corpus Christi.Authorities are investigating the accident as a possible drunk driving incident but no charges have yet been filed in the case.
Source: 6 cows killed, deputy hurt in suspected drunk driving crash
HART COUNTY, Ky. (WBKO) — A high-speed chase through parts of three Kentucky counties ended with a Louisville woman’s arrest.Police say they had to use stop sticks to force Sharon Buckland, 52, to come to a stop after she reportedly drove more than 100 miles-per-hour and nearly hit several vehicles in downtown Elizabethtown – putting officers lives in danger.After speeding through Meade and Hardin Counties Buckland was arrested in Hart County early Sunday morning.Her charges include fleeing and evading police, first-degree wanton endangerment, reckless driving, speeding in exceess of 100 miles-per-hour in a 30 mile-per-hour zone, and operating a motor vehicle under the influence of drugs.Police say Buckland admitted to taking Hydrocodone and Xanax.One citation says she apologized for her alleged actions.Another citation says Buckland told police her father told her to “drive it like you stole it.”Police said Buckland drove without her headlights illuminated during the pursuit, which happened between 12:30 and 1:15 a.m. on Sunday.
Source: Woman arrested in Hart County after speeding 100 mph through three counties