Three men walk into a bar. The barman tells them, “If you can sit in my basement for a day, I’ll give you free beer forever.”

The first man walks out after five minutes and says, “It’s impossible, you got a swarm of flies in there.”

So the second man tries his luck, but can’t take more than an hour.

Finally, the third man goes down. When he returns a day later, the others ask him how he did it.

He says, “Easy! I took a dump in one corner and sat in the other corner!”


Fitchburg man faces OUI after allegedly fleeing traffic stop

FITCHBURG — A city man was arraigned Tuesday on multiple charges, including second-offense driving under the influence of alcohol, for allegedly fleeing a traffic stop on Saturday.

Charles D. Brawley, 53, of 409 Westminster Hill Road, was arraigned on charges he violated two traffic ordinances, drove under the influence of alcohol, failed to stop for police, and resisted arrest, according to court documents.

On Saturday around 12:19 p.m., an officer pulled over Brawley for speeding on Kimball Street, according to a police report of the incident.

The officer approached Brawley’s car and noticed his slurred speech and bloodshot eyes, according to the report.

Brawley sped off in his car when the officer walked away to speak with another officer who had arrived on scene, according to the report.

Police pursued Brawley to his home on Westminster Hill Road, where he was taken into custody, according to court documents.

Brawley was released on personal recognizance and is due back in court for a hearing on Oct. 24, according to court documents.

Fitchburg search ends in drug charges

FITCHBURG — A city man is facing multiple drug charges after a warrant search of his apartment on Friday morning.

Jason A. Page, 32, of 196 High St. Apt. 2, was arraigned Tuesday on charges of possessing a Class A and Class B substance, possessing a Class B substance with intent to distribute, and distributing a Class B substance, according to court documents.

Law enforcement officials from Fitchburg police, the North Worcester County Drug Task Force, and state police forced their way into the apartment Friday morning, according to a police report of the raid.

No one came to the door when officials identified themselves using the words “Police, search warrant, open the door,” according the police report.

Page was inside the apartment with his 2-year-old daughter and the child’s mother, according to the report.

Police used a K-9 officer to search the apartment. In the master bedroom, police allegedly found a satchel holding a container filled with crack and powder cocaine, according to the report.

Police allegedly uncovered another plastic container in the kitchen. It was filled with a substance Page told police was a form of MDMA known as “molly.”

Materials commonly used to package drugs were found with two digital scales, according to the report.

Page was released after posting $500 bail and is due back in court for a pretrial hearing on Oct. 24, according to court documents.

Read more: http://www.sentinelandenterprise.com/news/ci_31278557/fitchburg-man-faces-oui-after-allegedly-fleeing-traffic#ixzz4s5ImY3gP


Virginia Beach police officer fatally shoots dog after traffic stop

Virginia Beach police officer fatally shoots dog after traffic stopSep 5, 2017 VIRGINIA BEACH — A Virginia Beach police officer fatally shot an aggressive dog after a traffic stop Monday.Police said the incident occurred about 9:20 p.m. when an officer stopped an SUV in an attempt to arrest a man for drunken driving.Police said the man, Theodore Stephen Schlossman, “released his dog” from the vehicle and that the dog “became aggressive” toward the officer, who fatally shot it.Schlossman, 38, was charged with DUI, refusal to submit to breath analysis, resisting arrest, obstruction of justice, threatening the life of a law enforcement officer, and possession of a schedule II narcotic and marijuana.

Source: Virginia Beach police officer fatally shoots dog after traffic stop | Virginia News | richmond.com

Man Charged With DUI After Hitting Stepson Who Was Walking the…

A New York man driving under the influence struck his 13-year-old stepson, who was out walking the family dog, police said.

Scott Lipton, 42, was driving his 2017 Jaguar when he ran into the boy, breaking his leg, according to the Suffolk County Police Department.

Another stepson, age 9, was in the car with Lipton and sustained non-life-threatening injuries, authorities said.

He was treated and released from a nearby hospital. His older brother was airlifted to Stony Brook University Hospital, where his broken leg was treated.

Lipton and the dog were not injured, police said.

He pleaded not guilty on Tuesday to charges of aggravated DWI with a child passenger under the age of 15 and endangering the welfare of a child, according to the Suffolk County prosecutor’s office.


Source: Man Charged With DUI After Hitting Stepson Who Was Walking the…

Wayne Rooney drink drive girl confesses pair ‘had a kiss’ after footballer asked if her boobs were real

Credits: Twitter/@LSimps10Wayne Rooney’s drink drive girl has revealed the pair kissed after the footballer asked her if her boobs were real after a ten hour booze bender.Office worker Laura Simpson was with Wayne when he was arrested by cops after they got a taxi to her VW Beetle – she later said she was too drunk to remember where they were stopped.

The pair necked Prosecco and vodka at the fashionable Bubble Room cocktail bar – Wayne had already been boozing in Piccolino in Alderley Edge, Cheshire.

Lettings office manager Laura told MailOnline: “He kept admiring my clingy top and asking what size they were, saying “Are they real?” We had a kiss, a hug and some banter, harmless fun. I’m not a marriage wrecker.”

Simpson, a lettings officer, said Rooney was ‘p***ed off’ and ‘really worried’ when police pulled them over – though admitted she didn’t recall where they were at the time.

She told The Sun: “I didn’t know what to make of it, it all happened so fast. It was a whirlwind. I don’t know if it’s because I was that drunk but he didn’t seem that drunk to me.”

It comes as a ‘livid’ Coleen has reportedly flown back to the UK after Wayne was charged with drink driving.

The mum-of-three, who is four months pregnant, had been on holiday in Spain with the pair’s three sons, Kai, seven, Klay, four, and one-year- old Kit, when she learned of his late-night arrest.

Credits: Twitter/@LSimps10Coleen, who flew to Mallorca last weekend, is said to be “livid and embarrassed” by the incident.The 31-year-old’s last social media post came four days ago when she shared a sweet family shot with her sons on their trip.

“Dinner with my boys,” she captioned it.

Coleen was also snapped showing off her growing baby bump as she relaxed poolside.

Mirror Sport revealed her husband was arrested in the early hours of Friday morning and charged for drink driving after being stopped driving a VW Beetle.

Rooney, 31, was pulled over by police in the black vehicle at 2am on Friday morning in Wilmslow, Cheshire.

He was taken to a police station in Middlewich where he was quizzed by officers and later charged.

Rooney was seen at Italian restaurant Piccolino in Alderley Edge, Cheshire, at about 4pm, after training with Everton earlier in the day.

Later he was seen at The Bubble Room bar nearby with pals, believed to be footballer Wes Brown, who is leaving England for India, and the brother of Phil Bardsley.A fellow customer, Shropshire cricketer Jack McIver, posted a picture of himself with Rooney at the venue on social media at 10pm.

Rooney and his pals then moved on to cocktail bar Symposium in nearby Wilmslow.

Simpson says the pair got a taxi from the bar to pick up her car.

After being pulled over, Rooney was taken to a local police station where he was quizzed by officers.

At around 1.30pm Cheshire Police announced they had charged Rooney with drink-driving.

Laura said the police drove her car to a friend’s house and she didn’t see Rooney again.

On Friday night Laura’s black convertible Beetle was parked outside her home before she was seen leaving her house to move it further down the road.

Credits: InstagramThe brunette then ran back inside her home as a pal offered her a jacket to cover her head.Rooney was picked up by agent Paul Stretford from the Middlewich Custody Suite, Cheshire, in a black Range Rover on Friday, having spent several hours in custody.

Credits: REX/ShutterstockHe was released on bail and is due to appear at Stockport Magistrates’ Court on September 18 – the day after his first return to Old Trafford since his Manchester United departure.

The Everton striker lives a few miles away in a £6million home in Prestbury, where he, wife Coleen and his children have been for the last 12 years.


Cowboy Cop Points Gun at Motorist’s Head

An ACT Magistrate has issued a stern rebuke to a New South Wales police officer who pulled his gun on a motorist who he claimed was trying to avoid a random breath test.

Video footage from the police dash cam was tendered as evidence in court when the motorist chose to defend the charge of drink driving brought against him.

The video shows the officer running towards the driver with his pistol drawn, and leveling it at the driver’s head.

Excessive Force

The video shows the officer tapping his gun twice on the driver’s car window, before the driver gets out of the car with his hands raised. The officer then directs the driver to lie face down in the centre of the lane.

Once the driver is on the ground, the officer holsters his gun and knees the man in the back before handcuffing him, then punching him in the upper-back.

The arresting officer told the court he noticed the motorist slow his vehicle down as he approached a breath test station on Canberra Avenue, Queanbeyan in January last year.

The officer claimed that after slowing down momentarily, the driver then swerved and turned down a side road.

The driver was stopped in Woods Lane in the ACT.

ACT police arrived a short time later, and the arresting officer told them that the driver returned a positive breath test. The driver was then taken to Woden police station and charged with drink driving.

In Court

The driver’s defence lawyer argued the arrest was unlawful because of the officer used excessive force. The lawyer also pointed-out that the officer had failed to advise the driver of the reason for the arrest.

The court also heard that the officer neglected to record information about the nature of the arrest in his incident report, which is a requirement under police guidelines.

ACT Magistrate Margaret Hunter found that the officer’s conduct was uncalled for – particularly his act of pointing the gun at the driver’s face.

The officer said he felt his actions were reasonable. He also claimed to be unaware of the requirement to record information about pulling the gun.

He said he felt scared and threatened because the area was dark, and was concerned there may have been several people in the car.

But the Magistrate noted the road is well-lit, and there had clearly only been one person in the car – as evidenced by the dash cam footage. She said the officer could have handled the situation in several other ways if he was indeed frightened – including remaining in his car, calling for back-up and waiting for other police to arrive.

Her Honour also found that while the Senior Constable claimed he had informed attending police of what had occurred, it was clear from their evidence that he had not mentioned pointing his gun at the driver’s head or kneeing him in the back.

Not Guilty of Drink Driving

The Magistrate ultimately found the driver not guilty of drink driving because the NSW officer’s breathalyser was not an approved device under ACT law, and Canberra police failed to conduct their own breath test at the scene. She ordered that police pay the driver’s legal costs.

NSW Police say they intend to investigate the officer’s conduct.

Source: Cowboy Cop Points Gun at Motorist’s Head


A leprechaun walks into a bar. After several pitchers of beer, the leprechaun runs over to a large, mean-looking guy, sticks out his tongue and spits all his legs. The guy reaches out to grab the leprechaun, only to miss him as he jumps back to his seat.

“If you know what’s good for you, don’t come near me again, or I’ll rip off your little tallywagger,” yells the mean-looking guy.

After a few more pitchers, the leprechaun runs over to the mean-looking guy, sticks out his tongue and spits all over his legs again. This time, the guy successfully catches the leprechaun.

“All right, I’ve got you this time. I warned you — now I’m gonna rip off your little tallywagger!”

The leprechaun laughs, “You can’t do that.”

“Why not?” asks his captor.

“Because,” giggles the leprechaun, “leprechauns don’t have tallywaggers.”

“Whadda ya mean you don’t have a tallywagger?” growls the angry man, “How in the hell do you pee?”

“Just like this,” laughs the leprechaun as he sticks out his tongue and spits.