Walks Into a Bar… Horsing Around

A farmer walks into a bar with a horse. He says, “I will give any of you $1,000 if you can make my horse laugh.”A man yells, “I’ll take that bet,” and leads the horse into the men’s room.After a couple seconds, a loud braying laugh is heard from behind the door. The farmer screams to the man, “OK, I’ll give you $2,000 if you can make my horse cry.”The man shouts, “You’re on!”After a few more seconds, the man exits with the horse trudging behind him with tears streaming down his long-snout. Flabbergasted, the farmer asks, “How did you do it?”The man replies, “I said that my d**k was bigger than his and he laughed. Then I showed it to him.”

Source: Funny Jokes | Walks Into a Bar… Horsing Around Joke | Comedy Central

Salvadoran Immigrant Dies In ICE Custody As Detainee Deaths Rise

A 44-year-old Salvadoran national died in Immigration and Customs Enforcement custody on Saturday, the 10th detainee to die in ICE custody since this fiscal year began Oct. 1. That’s the same number who died in the entire 2016 fiscal year, and the most since 2011.

Carlos Mejía Bonilla, 44, was admitted to Jersey City Medical Center’s Intensive Care Unit with gastrointestinal bleeding on June 8. He died two days later, according to a statement ICE released on Tuesday.

Mejía Bonilla first crossed into the United States in 1993. He was arrested by Border Patrol agents, but freed on an order of recognizance, according to ICE. He had been living in the New York area in recent years, where ICE detained him on April 1. He had two convictions on his record for driving while intoxicated ― in 2009 and in 2014.

The number of deaths in ICE custody varies from year to year, influenced somewhat by the total number of people detained. Some deaths are the result of medical conditions that happened prior to detention.

“ICE takes the health and well-being of the individuals in our custody extremely seriously and we provide extensive medical, dental and mental health care to ensure their health and safety to the best of our ability,” ICE spokeswoman Gillian Christensen said in a statement.


Human rights groups, however, have criticized both the medical treatment and mental health services available to immigrant detainees. Two of the 10 deaths this fiscal year were suicides. A third immigrant detainee attempted suicide at at family detention center in Texas last month in an attempt to free her two children. They were later granted asylum.

Deaths in custody are increasingly a concern as President Donald Trump seeks to significantly expand immigrant detention, including for families, and to potentially roll back Obama-era standards meant to keep detainees safer while in custody.

Grace Meng, an immigration researcher with Human Rights Watch, called the rising number of deaths “frankly terrifying,” and said ICE should publicly release the results of its investigations into detainee deaths.

“It’s really upsetting to see ICE send out these releases where there’s so little information about the person,” Meng told HuffPost. “At a bare minimum, we should know how and why these people died. Sometimes people die in custody for reasons that are not preventable ― that’s just something that happens. But if ICE thinks they received good care, then they should release these publicly so we can see what kind of care they received.”

Congress requires ICE to maintain the capacity to lock up roughly 34,000 immigrants facing deportation on a daily basis. But the agency had already begun to exceed that figure in the final months of the Obama administration, when the number of detained immigrants swelled to more than 40,000. The average daily detained population for this fiscal year, which includes more than five months of Trump’s presidency, stands at more than 39,000.

The Trump administration plans to keep boosting that figure. ICE’s 2018 budget requestincludes $4.9 billion to expand its immigrant detention capacity to a total of 51,379 beds, including 2,500 reserved for mothers locked up with their children.

Carl Takei, an attorney with the American Civil Liberties Union’s National Prison Project, said three factors make him concerned: “The increasing flow of people into ICE custody, the forthcoming changes to detention standards, and, related to that, a clear message sent from headquarters that going forward the conditions in detention are not a priority.

“That message is a deadly message,” Takei said.

Deaths in ICE custody haven’t always correlated with the number of people detained, according to government figures. In 2004, 28 people died in detention, while the average daily population of detainees was about 22,000. The lowest number of deaths in a fiscal year was in 2014, when there were about 33,000 people detained per day and six deaths.

ICE implemented detention reforms in the 2009 fiscal year, when there were 14 deaths. The number has not exceeded 10 since that period.

Source: Salvadoran Immigrant Dies In ICE Custody As Detainee Deaths Rise

Greeley police arrest man Thursday night who they say was driving erratically downtown

Greeley police arrested a parolee and a habitual traffic offender after he was seen driving erratically and running a stop sign in downtown Greeley on Thursday night.According to a release from Greeley police, an officer stopped Antonio Rodriguez Jr., 64, in the 1300 block of 7th Avenue about 9:15 p.m.After he was arrested, police found “an amount of suspected illicit controlled substance and a large amount of cash … on his person,” the release stated.Rodriguez was booked into Weld County Jail on suspicion of felony charges of possession/distribution of a controlled substance and parole violation and misdemeanor charges of driving under the influence, being a habitual traffic offender and a stop sign violation.

Source: Greeley police arrest man Thursday night who they say was driving erratically downtown | GreeleyTribune.com

Jackson County police officers arrested after altercation in liquor store parking lot

JJACKSON COUNTY, Miss. — Two off-duty police officers have found themselves behind bars after an altercation on Friday night led to their arrest, according to Sheriff Mike Ezell.Pascagoula police officer Michael Ladnier and Moss Point police officer Raymond Lias were both charged with driving under the influence and disorderly conduct.Per Ezell, an altercation occurred on the road between the two, which spilled into the parking lot of Beachview Package Store in Gulf Park Estates.Deputies responded to the call around 8:30 p.m. Friday night and subsequently both officers were arrested.Both officers have been placed on paid administrative leave pending an investigation from Internal Affairs.

Source: Jackson County police officers arrested after altercation in liquor store parking lot | gulflive.com

Man suspected of DUI crashes into Unity Church

QUINCY — A Quincy man was arrested for allegedly driving under the influence of alcohol and later crashing into a Quincy church Saturday night.The Quincy Police Department reports that John Monahan, 53, was traveling east on Maine Street around 11:30 p.m. and struck a black Toyota occupied by two women, who were not hurt.The report says Monahan then turned left to go northbound on Fourth Street and struck a light pole and unoccupied parked van. Monahan reportedly then turned onto Hampshire Street and his 2005 white Chevrolet van struck the Unity Church of Quincy, 403 Hampshire, and stopped.Monahan was arrested around 1:30 a.m. Sunday on charges of driving under the influence, failure to reduce speed to avoid an accident and improper lane usage. He was taken to Adams County Jail and later posted a $300 bond.The Quincy Fire Department, Adams County Ambulance Service and Adams County Sheriff’s Department assisted.

Source: Man suspected of DUI crashes into Unity Church – Herald-Whig –

Little Pianist

A man walks into a bar and sees his friend sitting beside a 12-inch pianist. He says to his friend, “That’s amazing. How did you get that?”

The man pulls out a bottle and tells him to rub it and make a wish. He rubs the bottle, and a puff of smoke pops out and tells him that he can have one wish. So the man thinks and says, “I wish I had a million bucks.”

The genie says, “OK, go outside, and your wish will be granted.”

The man goes outside, but all he finds are ducks filling the sky and roads. He goes back in and tells his friend what happend, and his friend replies, “I know. Did you really think I wanted a 12-inch pianist?”


Man caught driving drunk with kids, faces possible deportation

Man caught driving drunk with kids, faces possible deportationBy Pat Tomlinson | June 14, 201752 Photo: Contributed Photo / Wilton Police DepartmentAntonio Guzman-Retana, 36, of DanburyWILTON — An illegal immigrant is at risk of being deported for the third time after police caught him driving drunk with two young children in the car, police said.A man who identified himself as Enrique Lopez-Lopez was pulled over around 6 p.m. Sunday for swerving over the double yellow line while driving south on Ridgefield Road, police said.Upon being pulled over, the driver informed police that he had no driver’s license or any other form of identification in his possession.In addition to smelling a strong odor of alcohol escaping the windows, police observed two of the man’s children, both under 10 years old, sitting in the backseat of the car.Lopez-Lopez was asked to perform the field sobriety test, which he was unable to do, police said. The driver also refused to submit to a breath analysis test.After placing the man under arrest, police contacted the children’s mother and had her pick them up from the scene before transporting the suspect back to headquarters.As police processed the driver back at the department, they learned that the man had initially lied to police about his identity. Fingerprint analysis revealed that the man was Antonio Guzman-Retana, a 36-year-old Danbury resident who already been deported twice from the U.S for illegal immigration.Guzman-Retana was charged with driving while under the influence, driving while under the influence with children in the car, operating with no driver’s license and failure to drive in the proper lane. He was held on a $15,000 bond, and he was scheduled to be arraigned the next day.While in lockup, police also discovered that Guzman-Retana also had an active warrant for his arrest out of Danbury for first-degree failure to appear, which means he missed a date to face felony charges in court. For this offense, Guzman faced an additional $7,500 bond.Since the suspect is an illegal immigrant, Lt. Rob Kluk, a police spokesman, said that U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement was also informed about the arrest.

Source: Man caught driving drunk with kids, faces possible deportation – NewsTimes