The FDA is considering additional warnings on alcoholic beverages:

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Some of the suggestions are as follows:

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WARNING, the consumption of alcohol may actually cause pregnancy

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WARNING, the consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Chuck.

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WARNING, the consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4:00 AM.

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WARNING, the consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

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WARNING, the consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and/or name you can’t remember).

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WARNING, the consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

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WARNING, the consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

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WARNING, the consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.

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WARNING, the consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to smash your head in.

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WARNING, the consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.

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WARNING, the consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

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WARNING, the consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing with you.

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WARNING, the consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to disappear.

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