64 Ways to Piss Off a Cop

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1 – When you get pulled over, say, “What’s wrong, ossifer, there’s no blood in my alcohol.”
2 – When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you wanted to race.
3 – When he talks to you, pretend you are deaf.
4 – If he asks if you knew how fast you were going, say, “No. My speedometer only goes up to ….”
5 – Touch him.
6 – When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you had to buy a hat.
7 – Ask him where he bought his cool hat.
8 – Refer to him by his first name.
9 – Pretend you are gay and ask him out.
10 – When he says no, cry.
11 – If he says yes, accuse him of sexual harassment.
12 – If the cop is a woman, tell her how ugly she is, but in a nice way.
13 – If he asks you to step out of the car, automatically throw yourself on the hood.
14 – When he asks you to spread ’em, tell him you don’t go that way.
15 – When he puts on the handcuffs, say, “My dates usually buy me dinner first.”
16 – Ask to be fingerprinted with candy, ’cause you don’t like to get ink on your fingers.
17 – After you sign the ticket and give it back to him, say, “Oopps ! That’s the wrong name.”
18 – Bribe him with donuts and when he agrees, tell him, “Sorry, I just ate the last one.”
19 – When he comes up to the car, say, “license and registration, please” right when he says it.
20 – When he starts to read you your rights, sing, “La, la, la, la, I can’t hear you !”
21 – Trip and fall into him.
22 – Accuse him of police brutality when he pushes you away.
23 – Before you sign the ticket, pick your nose. (you are using his pen)
24 – Chew on the pen, nervously.
25 – Clean your ear with the pen.
26 – If it’s a click pen, take it apart and play with the spring.
27 – Ask if he has a daughter. If he says yes, say, “I thought that name sounded familiar….”
28 – Ask him if he ever worked in a prison. If he says yes, ask him how the plumbing was….
29 – Act like you’re retarded.
30 – When he’s telling you what you did wrong, start repeating him, quietly.
31 – Or mumble to yourself.
32 – When he tells you to stop, say, “What are you talkin’ about, DUDE ?”
33 – Drive to Dunkin’ Donuts and say, “Hmmmmm…. only five of you here tonight…”
34 – Ask if they know how to make the donuts.
35 – When he comes to the car, say, “I have a badge just like that.”
36 – Ask if he watches “COPS.”
37 – Ask if he ever watched “Cop Rock.”
38 – Giggle if he did.
39 – Talk to your hand.
40 – Ask him if he knows Rosy Palmer and her five favorite friends.
41 – Accuse him of sexual harassment if he does.
42 – When he frisks you, grin and say, “You missed a spot…”
43 – When he asks to inspect your car, say, “There is no alcohol in my car, sir. The last cop took it.”
44 – Try to sell him your car.
45 – Ask if you can buy his car.
46 – If he takes you to the station, ask to sit up front.
47 – Play with the siren.
48 – If you know him, tell him you had his wife for dinner.
49 – If you don’t know him, ask if you can have his wife for dinner.
50 – Oopps…. I meant “OVER” for dinner.
51 – Ask if he ever had poon-tang.
52 – If he asks what that is, point at him and giggle.
53 – If there is someone else in the car, talk to each other in tongues.
54 – When he acts confused, keep talking, look at him, and laugh.
55 – When you are in the back of his car, touch his neck through the screen.
56 – Turn your head and whistle.
57 – When he pulls out his night stick, ask, “What are you gonna do with that ?”
58 – If you are female, say, “I don’t do that on the first date.”
59 – If he sticks you in the back of the car, cower in the corner, suck your thumb, and whine.
60 – Ask if you can see his gun.
61 – When he says it isn’t allowed, tell him, “I just wanted to see if mine is bigger.”
62 – Stare at his lights and say, “Look at the pretty colors.”
63 – Tell him you like men in uniforms.
64 – Ask if you can borrow his uniform for a Halloween party.

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