An old man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender notices the guy’s head is the size of a cue ball.”I got to ask, sir,” says the bartender. “What happened?”The old guy sighs and tells him, “My ship was torpedoed by the Germans in WWII. A mermaid rescued me and promised to grant me three wishes. For my first wish, I asked to return to the States. My second wish was to have all the money I would ever need. Finally, my third wish was to have sex with the mermaid.””That doesn’t sound too bad,” says the bartender. “Then what happened?””Well,” sighs the man, “mermaids can’t have sex, so I asked her if I could just have a little head… .”
A guy walks into a bar and asks for a beer. He chugs it, looks into his pocket and asks for another beer. He chugs that beer, looks into his pocket and asks for another.The man does this a few more times until the bartender asks, “How come you ask for a beer, chug it, then look in your pocket?”The man says, “Because there is a picture of my wife in my pocket and I’m gonna keep drinking till she looks good enough for me to go home.”
A bear walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t give beer to bears in bars.”The bear replies, “If you don’t give me a beer, I’ll eat that lady over there.”The bartender says, “Go ahead.”So the bear eats the lady and asks for a beer. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t give beer to bears on drugs.””What do mean,” asks the bear. “I’m not on drugs.””Yes, you are, that was the bar bitch you ate.”
Three men walk into a bar. The barman tells them, “If you can sit in my basement for a day, I’ll give you free beer forever.”The first man walks out after five minutes and says, “It’s impossible, you got a swarm of flies in there.”So the second man tries his luck, but can’t take more than an hour.Finally, the third man goes down. When he returns a day later, the others ask him how he did it.He says, “Easy! I took a dump in one corner and sat in the other corner!”
A Red Deer man accused of posing as a lawyer in a fraud scheme is facing a dozen charges.RCMP said in March they began investigating an allegation that a man representing himself as a lawyer was taking money from clients in exchange for preparing legal documents.As the investigation continued, more victims were identified. In all, police have identified nine victims, eight of whom paid for legal services from the accused between December 2016 and April 2017. One of the alleged victims was a process server allegedly hired by the suspect to serve a civil claim.Police said one of the people dealing with the suspect grew suspicious and did not turn over any money.The suspect was operating under the business name SS & Associates LLP.On June 7, police went to the accused’s residence with a warrant and seized electronics and documents relevant to the investigation.Chance Aaron Shaw, 26, has been charged with six counts of trafficking or uttering a forged document, four counts of fraud under $5,000, forgery and false pretenses.He is scheduled to appear in Red Deer provincial court on Friday.Anyone with information about this investigation should contact the Red Deer RCMP at 403-343-5575. If you wish to remain anonymous, call Crime Stoppers at 1-800-222-8477 or report it online at www.tipsubmit.com. If your information leads to an arrest, you could be eligible for a cash reward up to $2,000.The Law Society of Alberta says it maintains an online Lawyer Directory. If an individual’s cannot be found on the directory the law society should be contacted to confirm the person can practise law in Alberta.Anyone with concerns about the unauthorized practice of law should contact the law society at 1-800-661-9003 or go to the website at www.lawsociety.ab.ca.
A dog walks into a bar and hops up on a stool. He looks the bartender in the eye and says, “Hey, guess what? I can talk. Have you ever seen a talking dog before? How about a drink?”The bartender thinks for a moment and says, “Sure, the toilet’s right around the corner.”