Bob and Jim walk into a bar. Bob says, “Hey Donkeyboy, get me a drink.” The bartender gets him a drink.Bob says, “Donkeyboy, get me another drink.” The bartender gets him another drink.Finally, Jim asks the bartender, “Why does he call you Donkeyboy?””I don’t know. Hehaw-hehaw-he always calls me that.”
A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads:Cheese Sandwich: $1.50Chicken Sandwich: $2.50Hand Job: $10.00He checks his wallet and beckons to the sexy bartender.”Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?” he asks.”Yes,” she purrs. “I am.””Well, wash your frickin’ hands,” says the man. “I want a cheese sandwich!”
A man walks into a bar with a pork pie on his head. The barman asks, “Why are you wearing a pork pie on your head?”The man replies, “It’s a family tradition. We always wear pork pies on our heads on Tuesday.”The barman remarks, “But it’s Wednesday.”Sheepishly, the man says, “Man, I must look like a real fool.”
A young guy walks into a bar. An old drunk sits with a shoe box on the stool next to him.The guy asks, “What’s in the box?”The older guy says matter-of-factly, “A South American Blow Job Toad.”The young guy looks around. “Can I try it?”The older guy nods. The young guy goes to the men’s room and returns 20 minutes later.”That was amazing,” he says, “You’ve got to sell it to me.”The old drunk concedes to sell the toad for a hefty sum. The happy young man struts home and meets his wife at the door.”Where the hell have you been? What’s in the box?” she demands.”South American Blow Job Toad.””So?” asks the wife.”So, teach it to cook and get the f**k out.”
An 18-year-old Newfoundland man is facing an assault charge for allegedly hurling a slice of pizza at a bystander.Police say a property owner in St. John’s was near Thorburn Road at about 6:30 p.m. Sunday when somebody in a vehicle passed by.Police say someone in the car threw a slice of pizza at the bystander.It’s believed the slice missed its mark.Police reviewed the property owner’s video surveillance and have charged a teen with assault.
A duck walks into a bar and asks, “Got any grapes?”The bartender, confused, tells the duck no. The duck thanks him and leaves.The next day, the duck returns and asks, “Got any grapes?”Again, the bartender tells him, “No — the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes and, furthermore, will never serve grapes.” The duck thanks him and leaves.The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender yells, “Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes! If you ask for grapes again, I will nail your stupid duck beak to the bar!”The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks, “Got any nails?”Confused, the bartender says no.”Good!” says the duck. “Got any grapes?”