A nose walks into a bar and asks for a drink.The bartender says, “Sorry, I can’t serve you. You’re already off your face.”
BISHOP, Texas – Authorities say six cows were killed and a South Texas deputy was injured during a suspected drunk driving accident.KRIS-TV reports an unidentified driver was traveling on a road around 1 a.m. Saturday when she crashed into a group of cows.Texas Department of Public Safety Trooper Marco Everett says a Nueces County Sheriff’s Office deputy who was leading the cows off the roadway they had wandered onto was injured.The deputy suffered non-life threatening injuries.Everett says investigators believe the driver fell asleep just before the accident in Bishop, located about 40 miles southwest of Corpus Christi.Authorities are investigating the accident as a possible drunk driving incident but no charges have yet been filed in the case.
A gorilla walks into a bar and says, “A scotch on the rocks, please.” The gorilla hands the bartender a $10 bill.The bartender thinks to himself, “This gorilla doesn’t know the prices of drinks,” and gives him 15 cents change.The bartender says, “You know, we don’t get too many gorillas in here.”The gorilla replies, “Well, at $9.85 a drink, I ain’t coming back, either.”
Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one says, “I’ll have a pint of blood.”The second one says, “I’ll have one, too.”The third one says, “I’ll have a pint of plasma.”The bartender says, “So, that’ll be two Bloods and a Blood Lite?”
A farmer walks into a bar with a horse. He says, “I will give any of you $1,000 if you can make my horse laugh.”A man yells, “I’ll take that bet,” and leads the horse into the men’s room.After a couple seconds, a loud braying laugh is heard from behind the door. The farmer screams to the man, “OK, I’ll give you $2,000 if you can make my horse cry.”The man shouts, “You’re on!”After a few more seconds, the man exits with the horse trudging behind him with tears streaming down his long-snout. Flabbergasted, the farmer asks, “How did you do it?”The man replies, “I said that my d**k was bigger than his and he laughed. Then I showed it to him.”