Canada briefs – January 27The RCMP are investigating a strange incident in which a man was found handcuffed to a telephone pole in his underwear Tuesday morning near Nanaimo, B.C.ADVOCATE STAFFThu Jan 27th, 2011 4:37pmCANADA & WORLD Man in underwear found handcuffed to telephone poleThe RCMP are investigating a strange incident in which a man was found handcuffed to a telephone pole in his underwear Tuesday morning near Nanaimo, B.C.The 24-year-old man was suffering mild hypothermia when police freed him in the town of Lanzville. He told them he’d been abducted and beaten by a group of men who later handcuffed him to the pole, stripped him down to his boxers and stole his wallet.Police say the man won’t tell them who his attackers were or what the motive was.
Red Deer (Alberta, Canada) Advocate:
MAN EATS UNDERWEAR TO BEAT BREATHALYZER
STETTLER — An 18-year old Stettler man tried to eat his underwear in the hope that the cotton fabric would absorb alcohol before he took a breathalyzer test, provincial court heard this week.
David Zurfluh was subsequently acquitted of a charge of impaired driving because he blew .08, the legal limit. But the testimony broke up people in Judge David MacNaughton’s provincial court here Thursday afternoon.
Mr. Zurfluh was collared by RCMP Const. Bill Robinson after he ran from his vehicle, which had been seen weaving down the highway. While sitting in the back of the patrol car, Mr. Zurfluh tried to eat his shorts, Const. Robinson told the court.
Mr. Zurfluh said he ripped the crotch out of his shorts, stuffed the fabric in his mouth and then spit it out. A class of law students from William E. Hay Composite High, in court as observers, was removed by the teacher when testimony enlivened the proceedings. The Grade 11 and 12 students had difficulty maintaining composure. “People were leaving the courtroom with tears in their eyes, trying not to laugh,” said RCMP Const. Peter McFarlane.
A nose walks into a bar and asks for a drink.The bartender says, “Sorry, I can’t serve you. You’re already off your face.”
BISHOP, Texas – Authorities say six cows were killed and a South Texas deputy was injured during a suspected drunk driving accident.KRIS-TV reports an unidentified driver was traveling on a road around 1 a.m. Saturday when she crashed into a group of cows.Texas Department of Public Safety Trooper Marco Everett says a Nueces County Sheriff’s Office deputy who was leading the cows off the roadway they had wandered onto was injured.The deputy suffered non-life threatening injuries.Everett says investigators believe the driver fell asleep just before the accident in Bishop, located about 40 miles southwest of Corpus Christi.Authorities are investigating the accident as a possible drunk driving incident but no charges have yet been filed in the case.
A gorilla walks into a bar and says, “A scotch on the rocks, please.” The gorilla hands the bartender a $10 bill.The bartender thinks to himself, “This gorilla doesn’t know the prices of drinks,” and gives him 15 cents change.The bartender says, “You know, we don’t get too many gorillas in here.”The gorilla replies, “Well, at $9.85 a drink, I ain’t coming back, either.”
Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one says, “I’ll have a pint of blood.”The second one says, “I’ll have one, too.”The third one says, “I’ll have a pint of plasma.”The bartender says, “So, that’ll be two Bloods and a Blood Lite?”