Car slams into rehab center; 2 injured

MERRITT ISLAND, Fla. (WOFL FOX 35) – Two people are recovering after a vehicle slammed into a rehab center in Merritt Island.The crash happened around 9:30 a.m. at the Island Health and Rehabilitation Center on Alma Avenue. Florida Highway Patrol says the driver passed out while driving, crashed through a fence, drove through a grassy area, and then crashed into the rehab center.The vehicle crashed through the back of the building into a room where someone was sleeping. In the pictures above you can see the vehicle is fully inside the rehab center.Officials tell FOX 35 there were approximately 120 patients inside the building at the time of the crash.Brevard County Fire Rescue transported two patients, the driver and person sleeping, with only minor injuries.Troopers suspected that the driver was impaired by drugs. A blood sample was taken and charges are pending until those results are confirmed, according to FHP.The crash remains under investigation.

Source: Car slams into rehab center; 2 injured – Story | WOFL

WALKS INTO A BAR… THREE TESTS

A new guy in town walks into a bar and notices a large jar filled to the brim with $10 bills. The man approaches the bartender and asks, “What’s up with the jar?”

“Well, you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, then you get all the money.”

“What are the three tests?” asks the man

“Gotta pay first.”

So the guy gives him the $10 bucks, and the bartender adds it to the jar.

“OK, here’s what you have to do. First, you have to drink that whole bottle of pepper tequila — the WHOLE thing at once — and you can’t make a face while doing it. Second, there’s a pit bull chained up out back with a sore tooth. You have to remove the tooth with your bare hands. Third, there is a 90-year-old woman upstairs who’s never had an orgasm in her life. You gotta make things right for her.”

“Well, I know I’ve paid my $10 bucks,” says the man, “but I’m not an idiot. No wonder you’ve collected so much money — that’s impossible!”

The new guy proceeds to drink several whiskeys, and eventually, he gets up his nerve.

“Wherez zat teeqeelah?” he slurs.

He grabs the bottle of pepper tequila with both hands and downs it, gulp by gulp. Tears are streaming down his cheeks, but he doesn’t make a face. Next, he staggers out back. Everyone in the bar hears a huge scuffle outside — barking, yelping and growling, then silence.

Just when they think the man must be dead, he staggers back into the bar with his shirt ripped and gashes across his body.

“NOW,” he says, “wherez at ol’ lady with the sore tooth?”

http://jokes.cc.com/funny-walks-into-a-bar/6twsm2/walks-into-a-bar—-three-tests

Walks Into a Bar… Seeing-Eye Dog

A blind man walks into a bar with his seeing-eye dog. He stands in the center of the bar, takes the dog by the chain, and starts swinging him above his head.Everyone stops and stares. Upset about the way the animal is being treated, a patron runs up to the blind man and demands, “What the hell are you doing?”The blind man turns toward the patron and says, “Oh, nothing, just looking around.”

Source: Funny Jokes | Walks Into a Bar… Seeing-Eye Dog Joke | Comedy Central

Walks Into a Bar… Different Horses

A guy walks into a bar looking frustrated. The bartender asks, “What’s the matter?”The guy replies, “Well I’ve got these two horses and I can’t tell them apart. I don’t know if I’m mixing up riding times or even feeding them the right foods.”The bartender suggests, “Why don’t you try shaving the tail of one of the horses?”The guy says, “That sounds like a good idea, I think I’ll try it.”A few months later, he returns to the bar in worse condition. “I shaved the tail of one of the horses, but it grew back and I can’t tell them apart again!”The bartender says, “Why don’t you try shaving the mane?”A few months later the guy is back. “I shaved the mane of one of the horses, but it grew back!”The bartender yells, “Just measure the damn horses. Perhaps one is slightly taller that the other one!” The guy storms out of the bar.The next day, the guy runs into the bar. “It worked, it worked!” he exclaims. “I measured the horses, and the black one is two inches taller than the white one!”

Source: Funny Jokes | Walks Into a Bar… Different Horses Joke | Comedy Central

Florida woman faces DUI, child abuse charges after .200 breathalyzer test

A Florida woman faces DUI and child abuse charges after she was caught swerving over the road and failed a breathalyzer test, all with an unbuckled child in the backseat of her car, officials said.

Brandy Lerma, 31, of Boynton Beach, was spotted by a tow truck driver swerving all over the road and almost hit four nearby cars, WPEC reported.

A responding deputy smelled alcohol coming from the car and saw an unrestrained 3-year-old in the backseat when he pulled Lerma over, according to the Palm Beach County Sheriff’s Office.

EX-BEAUTY QUEEN CONVICTED OF STEALING FROM MACY’S, MAY BE HEADED TO PRISON

The driver’s speech was slurred and she couldn’t find her driver’s license, despite it being in plain view of the officer.

Lerma reportedly fell twice during a DUI roadside test, and took two breathalyzers tests in which she blew a .200 and a .187. She reportedly told police she took Percocet, Xanax, and drank two fireballs.

The legal blood alcohol level limit in Florida is .08.

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2017/08/16/florida-woman-faces-dui-child-abuse-charges-after-200-breathalyzer-test.html

Walks Into a Bar… Double Vodkas

A guy walks into a bar and says to the barman, “Give me six double vodkas.”The barman says, “Wow, you must have had one hell of a day.””Yeah, I just found out my oldest son is gay.”The next day, the same guy comes into the bar and asks for six more double vodkas. When the bartender asks what’s wrong, the man says, “I just found out that my youngest son is gay, too!”On the third day, the guy comes into the bar and orders another six double vodkas. The bartender says, “Jesus! Doesn’t anybody in your family like women?”The man downs the first drink and shakes his head, “Yeah, my wife!”

Source: Funny Jokes | Walks Into a Bar… Double Vodkas Joke | Comedy Central