WALKS INTO A BAR… BEER BROTHERS

A man walks into a bar and orders three beers.

The bartender brings him the three beers, and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third, until they’re gone.

He then orders three more and the bartender says, “Sir, I know you like them cold, so you can start with one, and I’ll bring you a fresh one as soon as you’re low.”

The man says, “You don’t understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the Ireland. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night, we’d still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three beers, too, and we’re drinking together.”

The bartender thinks it’s a wonderful tradition, and every week he sets up the guy’s three beers. Then one week, the man comes in and orders only two. He drinks them and then orders two more. The bartender says sadly, “Knowing your tradition, I’d just like to just say that I’m sorry you’ve lost a brother.”

The man replies, “Oh, my brothers are fine — I just quit drinking.”

http://jokes.cc.com/funny-walks-into-a-bar/1t5cy2/walks-into-a-bar—-beer-brothers

Danny Duffy was arrested after he passed out in a Burger King drive-through

Danny Duffy’s DUI arrest, which we learned about a few hours ago, is — like all drunk driving incidents — a serious matter. The circumstances of his arrest, however, were . . . somewhat amusing? If that’s too much to say about a situation that could’ve resulted in someone’s injury or death, OK, that’s too much to say. But we can certainly say that the circumstances were . . . less than dignified.

According to Kevin Kietzman of Sports Radio 810 WHB in Kansas City, Duffy was passed out, or at least asleep, in the drive-through at a Burger King. His foot was on the brake with the car in neutral. An employee reached into the car and put it in park and then they called the police. When Duffy heard the police sirens he woke up and rather clumsily tried to climb into the passenger seat and attempted to get one of the other customers nearby to climb into the driver’s seat, presumably to make it appear as though he wasn’t drunk behind the wheel. Needless to say the gambit was not successful. He did not have it his way at Burger King is what I’m saying.

Duffy is expected to go on 810 WHB this afternoon and read a statement, but he’s not going to take questions. That’s probably OK, because all of this sounds pretty self-explanatory by now.

Source: Danny Duffy was arrested after he passed out in a Burger King drive-through

Shocking Twist! Rebecca Gayheart Sister Arrested At Hospital Before Death

In a shocking twist, Rebecca Gayheart’s sister was arrested at the same hospital where she would later die in one week later, Radaronline.com can exclusively reveal.See video for cashew queso dip recipe!On September 30, 2015, Rachel Gayheart was handcuffed and taken to jail after police discovered she had been driving under the influence. She was charged with “operating a motor vehicle while under the influence of drugs, failure to produce insurance card, and failure to provide license and maintain required insurance.”

The 38-year-old was a no show for her court date set on June 27, 2017. The judge found her guilty of Driving Under the Influence, and dismissed all other charges. A bench warrant was then set out for her arrest.Earlier this month, Rachel was cited and arrested for her failure to appear. Police can and cuffed her the following day on August 4 at Hazard ARH Hospital and she was transported to Perry County Jail in Kentucky.

“We transmitted her to the hospital… she died about three or four days later.”Rachel Gayheart died on August 11. According to several reports, the 90210 star has been an emotional wreck since her sister’s death, and friends are worried for her mental health.Last week Rebecca released a statement on Instagram.  “My baby sister Rachel ‘ray’ has sadly passed away,” she wrote. “We buried her on the hilltop in Kentucky along with my grandparents and cousins. She was loved by everyone and had a wicked sense of humor and the most loving heart. Life has not been easy for you sis but now you can be peaceful.”

Source: Shocking Twist! Rebecca Gayheart Sister Arrested At Hospital Before Death

WALKS INTO A BAR… NATIVE CUSTOM

A Native American walks into a bar with a cat, a bag of sh*t and a shotgun. He asks for a bottle of whiskey and immediately downs it. He throws the bag of sh*t up in the air, shoots it with his shotgun, and takes a big bite of the cat’s ass.

The bartender asks, “Buddy, what the hell are you doing?”

The Native American responds, “I want to be like the white man: get drunk, shoot the sh*t and eat pussy.”

http://jokes.cc.com/funny-walks-into-a-bar/z7u64c/walks-into-a-bar—-native-custom

Minneapolis City Council candidate charged with second DWI of summer

A woman who declared herself a candidate for the Minneapolis City Council earlier this year was charged with driving under the influence of alcohol — for the second time this summer.Tiffini ForslundTiffini Marie Flynn Forslund, 51, was pulled over early Sunday morning in Mounds View for driving on the shoulder of the roadway over the fog line with the right turn signal on, according to a complaint filed in Ramsey County District Court.The officer identified Forslund by her license plate — with expired tabs — “hole-punched” driver’s license and expired insurance card, the complaint said. Her license had been revoked as well.Forslund was charged with second-degree refusal to submit to chemical test, third-degree operating motor vehicle under influence of alcohol and driving after revocation.Earlier this summer, she was arrested after blowing a 0.09, just slightly over Minnesota’s 0.08 BAC. She had no DUIs prior to that.Forslund declared herself a Ward 6 candidate for Minneapolis City Council earlier this summer, running against current member Abdi Warsame. City campaign records show she had not filed for the seat by the Aug. 15 deadline, however.She could not immediately be reached for comment Tuesday.Forslund also works as the parental relations director for Children Against Court-Appointed Child Abuse-CA3, is a member of the Board of Directors at Investible Children, Kids at Risk Action, a children’s rights advocacy network.

Source: Minneapolis City Council candidate charged with second DWI of summer – Twin Cities

Police: 23-year-old motorcyclist significantly injured in collision with impaired driver

MADISON, Wis. – A Madison woman was reportedly driving impaired Friday night when she struck a man on a motorcycle, injuring him, officials said.The Madison Police Department said 31-year-old Lily Garcia is facing charges of operating while intoxicated and causing injury by intoxicated use of a motor vehicle. Police said Garcia was turning left from East Washington Avenue onto Melvin Court at 9:47 p.m. as a motorcycle was driving fast and the two vehicles collided. According to the report, a nurse was among passersby who came to the aid of the injured 23-year-old Madison motorcyclist. Doctors said the biker might have died if he hadn’t received immediate medical treatment.Madison police spokesman Joel DeSpain said Garcia was cooperative and shaken by the crash.”She told officers she thought she had time to make the turn, which turned out not to be the case,” DeSpain said. The motorcyclist suffered significant injuries and remained in critical condition Monday morning, police said.

Source: Police: 23-year-old motorcyclist significantly injured in collision with impaired driver – WISC

WALKS INTO A BAR… DRUNK DRY CLEANING

A drunk walks into a bar, orders a shot and and immediately pukes all over his own shirt. “Wha’ my gonna do now? My wifez gonna kill me.”

“Relax,” the bartender says, “give me a five-dollar bill.” The bartender folds up the bill and puts it in the guy’s shirt pocket. “Tell your wife some drunk puked on you and gave you five bucks to have your shirt cleaned.”

“Thass a great idea!”

When the drunk gets home his wife answers the door. “Where have you been? What happened to your shirt?”

He tries to put on a sober voice and says, “Relaaax honey, some drunk guy puked on me and gave me five bucks to have my shirt cleaned.”

The drunk’s wife reaches in his pocket, grabs the money, and says, “There’s $10 in here!”

“Oh yeah, he sh*t my pants, too.”

http://jokes.cc.com/funny-walks-into-a-bar/ec4156/walks-into-a-bar—-drunk-dry-cleaning