Walks Into a Bar… Double Vodkas

A guy walks into a bar and says to the barman, “Give me six double vodkas.”The barman says, “Wow, you must have had one hell of a day.””Yeah, I just found out my oldest son is gay.”The next day, the same guy comes into the bar and asks for six more double vodkas. When the bartender asks what’s wrong, the man says, “I just found out that my youngest son is gay, too!”On the third day, the guy comes into the bar and orders another six double vodkas. The bartender says, “Jesus! Doesn’t anybody in your family like women?”The man downs the first drink and shakes his head, “Yeah, my wife!”

Source: Funny Jokes | Walks Into a Bar… Double Vodkas Joke | Comedy Central

Man charged with possession of suspected OxyContin

A Rome man has been jailed after being stopped by Rome police around 10 p.m. Saturday night.According to Floyd County Jail reports:Remy Mervyn Johnson, 26, of 24 Woodcreek Way was arrested by Rome police Saturday night at the intersection of U.S. 411 and Turner McCall Boulevard.Johnson was charged with felony possession of a Schedule II controlled substance, suspected OxyContin and a series of misdemeanors for having undisclosed pills not in an original container, two counts of seat belt violation regarding restraints for children, failing to maintain his lane, driving under the influence of drugs, reckless driving, and three counts of endangering a child by DUI. Three young children were in the car.

Source: Rome man charged with possession of suspected OxyContin | Police/Fire news | northwestgeorgianews.com

Kirsty Gallacher Charged With Drink Driving

Kirsty Gallacher has been charged with driving while under the influence of alcohol.
As reported by The Sun, Kirsty was pulled over by the police at 11.30am on Saturday (12 August), when officers noticed that the TV personality was driving “erratically”.

A police spokesperson told the newspaper: “ Kirsty Gallacher, aged 41, was charged last night with one count of driving a motor vehicle when alcohol level was above the legal limit.”

According to Thames Valley Police, the former ‘Strictly Come Dancing’ star has since been bailed, and will appear at Slough Magistrates Court on Monday 4 September.

Kirsty Gallacher© Provided by Huffington Post Kirsty GallacherThe Sun claimed that Kirsty was driving from Virginia Water in Surrey to pick up her two sons in Eton, where their father, former rugby player Paul Sampson, lives.

Representatives for Kirsty declined to comment when approached by HuffPost UK.

Best known for hosting shows including ‘Ant And Dec’s Saturday Night Takeaway’, ‘The Games’ and Sky’s ill-fated reboot of ‘Gladiators’, Kirsty returned to Sky Sports as a presenter in 2010, having first got her presenting big on the channel in 1998.

More recently, she competed in the 2015 series of ‘Strictly Come Dancing’, when she was partnered with Brendan Cole.

The two eventually finished in 11th place, following a dance-off with Jamelia and her professional partner Tristan MacManus.

A year later, Kirsty was revealed to be suffering from “extreme exhaustion and a viral infection”, after being rushed to hospital when some Sky Sports viewers commented that she’d been slurring her speech during a live broadcast.

http://www.msn.com/en-gb/news/uknews/kirsty-gallacher-charged-with-drink-driving-after-being-pulled-over-by-police-at-1130am/ar-AAq2Ynz?li=BBoPWjQ

Walks Into a Bar… Jets Fan

A guy walks into a bar with his pet dog. The bartender says, “No pets allowed.”The man replies, “This is a special dog. Turn on the Jets game and you’ll see. Whenever the Jets score, my dog does flips.”The Jets keep scoring field goals, and the dog keeps flipping and jumping.”Wow! What happens when the Jets score a touchdown?”The man replies, “I don’t know. I’ve only had him for 7 years.”

Source: Funny Jokes | Walks Into a Bar… Jets Fan Joke | Comedy Central

Libertyville police: Man sitting in car found with LSD

Battery

Wei Yang Li, 69, was charged Aug. 1 with domestic battery and aggravated assault with a deadly weapon.

Brigit C. Cahill, 21, of the 700 block of Eton Court, Libertyville, was charged July 31 with domestic battery

Drugs

Abishek Das, 20, of the 1000 block of Lilac Court, Libertyville, was charged Aug. 3 with unlawful possession of a controlled substance, unlawful possession of marijuana, and unlawful possession of drug paraphernalia. According to police reports, while clearing a burglar alarm at a restaurant in the 2000 block of Shell Drive, officers noticed Das in a nearby vehicle that was activated but in park. Upon approaching him, police say they noticed a strong odor of marijuana and chose to search his vehicle, finding marijuana, LSD and accompanying paraphernalia.

DUI

Jessica Nicole Orozco, 23, of the 1800 block of Watercolor Place, Grayslake, was charged July 26 with driving under the influence of alcohol. According to police reports, officers at 5:25 a.m. saw Orozco driving outside her lane of traffic near Milwaukee Avenue and Peterson Road and later determined she was impaired. Orozco was scheduled in court Aug. 11.

Maura M. Kennedy, 50, of the 100 block of Homewood Avenue, Libertyville, was charged July 22 with driving under the influence of alcohol. According to police reports, Kennedy sideswiped a car in a parking lot in the 200 block of South Milwaukee Avenue and gave her home address to the victim, who then relayed it to responding officers. Police say they went to Kennedy’s home and found her damaged car and observed signs of impairment while talking to Kennedy. Police say she later failed field sobriety tests. Kennedy was scheduled in court Aug. 11.

West Virginia WR Marcus Simms Arrested for DUI, Driving with Revoked License

Authorities from the Monongalia County Sheriff’s Department arrested West Virginia Mountaineers wide receiver Marcus Simms for allegedly driving under the influence Sunday morning, the Daily Athenaeum’s John Lowe and Chris Jackson reported.Simms was also driving with a revoked license.Officers had pulled Simms over for a broken taillight and arrested him after he failed sobriety tests. The Twitter account WV Jails shared his mugshot following his arrest:Simms is entering his sophomore year with the Mountaineers. He saw limited time in nine games as a freshman in 2016. He caught six passes for 95 yards and a touchdown.Simms’ best game came in West Virginia’s 49-19 victory over the Iowa State Cyclones. He had three receptions for 76 yards and scored in the second quarter to give the Mountaineers a 21-13 lead.

Source: West Virginia WR Marcus Simms Arrested for DUI, Driving with Revoked License | Bleacher Report

Walks Into a Bar… The Hamster Show

A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he’ll give him a free beer for an amazing trick. The bartender agrees. The guy pulls out a hamster that begins dancing and singing.”That is amazing!” says the bartender and gives him a beer.”If I show you something else, will you give me another beer?” The bartender agrees.The guy pulls out a small piano and a frog. The same hamster plays the piano while the frog dances and sings.The bartender, completely wowed, gives him another beer.A man in a suit, who’s been watching the entire time, offers to buy the frog for a large sum, and the man agrees.”Are you nuts?” asks the bartender. “You could’ve made a fortune off that frog.””Can you keep a secret?” asks the man. “The hamster’s a ventriloquist.”

Source: Funny Jokes | Walks Into a Bar… The Hamster Show Joke | Comedy Central

72-year-old woman sentenced to prison for DUI crash that killed MMA fighter’s toddler son 

rA 72-year-old woman pleaded guilty to vehicular manslaughter Thursday in connection with a drunk driving crash that killed the toddler son of a mixed martial arts fighter, officials said.Donna Marie Higgins was immediately sentenced to six years in prison for smashing her car into the stroller of 15-month-old Liam Mikael Kowal in Hawthorne last year, according to Ricardo Santiago, a spokesman for the Los Angeles County district attorney’s office.FROM OUR PARTNERS:Trump on Charlottesville: ‘We have to heal the wounds of our country’Ad AdvertisementThe boy’s father, Swedish-born fighter Marcus Kowal, was in the courtroom for the sentencing, according to his Facebook page.“Welcome to the karma cafe. There are no menus. You will get served what you deserve,” read a picture Kowal posted Thursday morning, announcing his arrival at the Airport Courthouse.Paid Post WHAT’S THIS? eBook The importance of reporting for General CounselA Message from effactsThe transition from a reactive to proactive role with insightful reports for contracts, claims, entities and more.See More Marcus Kowal speaks to the media during a prior court hearing (Al Seib / Los Angeles Times)Higgins was arrested Sept. 3, 2016, after police said she slammed her car into Liam’s stroller, which was being pushed in a crosswalk by his 15-year-old aunt, near Hawthorne Boulevard and 133rd Street.The boy did not have a pulse when police found him in his stroller at the crash scene. Liam’s aunt was also injured, police said.The Kowal family decided to take the boy off life support the next day.“About an hour ago, our baby was declared brain dead,” Kowal wrote on Facebook at the time. “He tried to fight so hard. He even died at one point but they brought him back. He’s a little fighter. His heart is still beating but his brain is no longer working.”Higgins was initially booked on suspicion of felony hit-and-run and drunk driving charges, but prosecutors moved to charge her with vehicular manslaughter after the boy died.A longtime resident of Hawthorne, Higgins was driving to a local store on the day of the crash and has expressed extreme sorrow over the child’s death, according to her attorney, Richard A. Hutton.“What happened was a terrible accident,” he said. “She’s deeply remorseful, has taken full responsibility for her actions and is very sorry for the grief she caused everybody, in particular the parents.”Kowal has become active in campaigns against drunk driving since the fatal wreck, circulating a petition calling on legislators to toughen legal-limit laws that generally allow people to drive with a blood-alcohol content of less than .08%.“I’m glad we get the chance to speak to her directly and that she will be off the streets and behind bars. However, she’s so insignificant in the fight ahead that it’s just a small battle along the way,” Kowal wrote in a Wednesday post ahead of the hearing. “We won’t stop until there’s been significant change made in this country and around the world, so that others don’t have to lose their mothers, or fathers, or brothers, or sisters or especially, children.”

Source: 72-year-old woman sentenced to prison for DUI crash that killed MMA fighter’s toddler son – LA Times